I’ve always been passionate about something. There have been several occasions in life when I have wished that I wasn’t, because it’d be easier. I recently had one of those moments. The moment you realize you care too much.
When I was doing my undergrad, I took some courses with a social justice vein, and they got me involved in local issues in my city – women’s prisons, homeless and housing problems. I would go to conferences and do fundraising events for various charitable organizations in the name of raising awareness. What I couldn’t understand was this:
Why didn’t other people care?
Why did I want so much to make a difference, but others were apathetic?
I still don’t know what the answer is to those questions, but my frustration with apathy around these issues meant that I slowly participated in those things less and less.
Fast forward 10-15 years.
Here I am in the same place.
I first started Juicy Green Mom to share the information I was finding about green, toxin-free, eco-friendly living. Because as I talked to my friends about what I was learning, they all said, “Someone else could really benefit from the energy and time you’ve put into learning this stuff!”
If you’ve read my “About” page, you know that I started on this journey because of my sister’s bout with breast cancer, and my realization that I didn’t want cancer in my daughter’s future. I’m not the crunchiest, greenest mom out there, but I do my best. And there are some things I will not compromise.
Because I desperately want to give my daughter a fighting chance at a cancer-free life.
In the same vein, I would do everything I can to prevent my sister from ever having recurrence.
And that’s when I realized it.
I care too much again.
It’s ironic, in a way. My sister lives on a faraway continent from me, so we don’t see each other much. On our last visit, I was somewhat surprised that the semi-dark-green standards I set for my family were not the same as what she sets for her family. Living toxin-free and organic isn’t as important to her as it is to me. Which is fine. Everyone needs to do things their own way. It’s just hard to wrap my head around. Since she was half the reason I started this in the first place.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t care.
Being passionate about green living is sometimes very difficult. I have to admit that sometimes I feel too embarrassed to say no when other moms ask if it’s okay for them to give my daughter high-fructose-corn-syrup, artificially coloured treats (I’m cringing in my head and there’s a big skull and crossbones symbol flashing). Sometimes I don’t want to be that mom that doesn’t let her kid have anything unwholesome. And sometimes I don’t know how to say no without launching into a tirade of how toxic those things are.
Sometimes it just seems so daunting.
I see so many things come up on Twitter and Facebook about what a terrible situation our planet is in – which makes me determined to continue to try to make a tiny little green dent in it. But then I realize I live in Alberta. Oil country. Where tarsands development will never cease to be a topic of debate.
Why can’t I stop caring?
This tiny creature has become my precious little girl. Her innocence and love for the world makes my life whole.
I have to do everything I can to give her a chance at a healthy future.
Because if I can’t do that, what is the point?
Have you ever had that moment you realize you care too much?